You know who you are… the phone rings and you’re already to say, “Hello, sure, what do you need?” You’re of the rare breed called, The Givers (not to be confused with Lois Lowry’s brilliant book of the same name).
You know you’re a Giver if:
- You don’t say NO, even when you want to.
- You automatically feel the need to anticipate everyone else’s needs, even strangers.
- You stop what you’re doing to make space for others.
- You feel useless unless you’re striving to make someone else’s day better.
- You feel compelled to offer suggestions or your services.
- You don’t give yourself credit for what you’re really worth.
- You feel guilty if you don’t offer to help.
- You won’t allow others to help you.
So… what do you do by the end of the day when everyone’s been asking you for everything?
The resentment can build on very subtle levels, but it’s there. You might also feel worthless and used. Even if someone does offer to help, you refuse because the pattern of giving is so ingrained in your psyche.
Practice the following exercises at least 3 times in one day, for 5 days in a row then once you get the hang of it, increase to 6 times a day, everyday:
1. The very next time you’re out, let’s say at the market—and you overhear the person in front of you ask the cashier how far away Main Street is— and your impulse is to answer…DON’T.
Keep your lips pursed together in a pleasant smile and know that the other person is getting their needs met…WITHOUT YOU.
If you aren’t being asked to…REFRAIN FROM GIVING.
2. Set up an ‘Allowing’ exercise with a close friend or spouse where they offer to open the door, make you lunch, or buy you something and ALLOW them to give to you.
The more you let them do little things for you, move onto bigger things like taking the morning off so you don’t have to drive the kids to school or where they do the grocery shopping…you get the idea.
3. Stop being so stingy with yourself. You give so much to others yet deny yourself. Give yourself a small reward for a job well done, for simply being. Giving to yourself isn’t negatively selfish, it’s imperative that you HONOR the Pure Conscious Love that you are.
You’re part of the WHOLE. When you refuse to acknowledge yourself, you accentuate the gap, the lack, the thing you think is missing inside of you and then that prompts you to keep giving, thinking that if you give ENOUGH, you’ll somehow feel fulfilled. Put YOU back into the giving equation.
You’re worthy of love because you matter. You matter because your matter is Divine. Allow yourself to receive, to have, to be present in the wondrous love that you are.